Don't Be That House - A List of the Worst Halloween Candy Ever

If your usual Halloween candy purchase includes *any* of the following treats crimesagainsthumanity, STOP IT.  Shut.  It. Down.  This Public Service Announcement is for you.  

Listen.  

I get it.  
  
Not everyone has a friend who will speak the truth to them.  I choose to believe that no one ever told you about your vomit-inducing, candy-giving habits.  Just like no one ever told you that flip-flops and/or facial piercings are inappropriate for an interview.  Or that you’re not supposed to gift those Snuggies you excitedly hoarded from HSN/QVC/CVS.  <-- No one wants those.  Likewise, no kid wants to find any of these candies in their treat bag, on Halloween: 

For starters, we’ll begin with the orange Circus Peanuts.  What blows my mind is that somewhere, someone tried one once and thought “These are DELICIOUS! Let’s mass produce them!”  At times, I’ve wondered if actual packing peanuts have more flavor than these vile, flavored bits of foam. 

Black Licorice?! Are you for real, giving out these tar bites?   They smell like rotten, root beer farts and dead squirrels. Why would anyone want to put one near their mouth?

I’d never met a chocolate that made my lips curl into a frown, until I tried Whoppers.  Chocolate covered chalk nuggets?  N’Okay!

Spearmint candies – Wha? Why?  Is this anyone’s favorite?  Please let me know, because I will ship you all of the ones we receive in our annual Halloween haul.  I enjoy the smell of halitosis more than this mint.  

Gummy bears?  I can do those.  They’re delicious and adorable.  Gummy HAMBURGERS?  No.  Uh-Uh.  Who seriously looks forward to finding one of these in their bag?  Can you picture a child out there, savoring every layer, piece-by-piece?  Not me… but typing that out and imagining it just made my mouth fill with pre-vomit saliva. 

Mike & Ike/Good & Plenty – Good news.  No one will e-v-e-r steal your stash... unless they mistake your G&Ps for actual pills.

Random orange & black candy... is this supposed to be generic peanut butter? caramel? taffy?  While we're here, any off-brand/no-name candy <-- Don't do it.  There's too much good candy out there for a kid to take a chance on that ambiguous blob you tossed in their bag.  Not to mention, these particular candies are easily opened/reopened {AKA thrown out by cautious parents}.

People, I’m begging you.  Halloween is once a year.  Splurge on the name brand chocolate or at the very least Sour Patch Kids.  Don’t be that house.

What's your most hated candy?  

 
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